I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I forget how to act sober
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