Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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