roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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