i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
