come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You pole danced in your parka.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
