u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
