do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
