The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
