Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
