Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
