i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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