Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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