So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think my moral compass just broke
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
