I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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