I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
