I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
