Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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