You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
