remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
