i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
