i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
