For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
