theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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