Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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