he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
