I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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