Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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