i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
