So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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