I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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