bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
