Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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