FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
