I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
