His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
