Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
