Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
