i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
