so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
