I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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