I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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