is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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