i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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