apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
