i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
