Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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