chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
