My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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