Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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