let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
