I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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