What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
