Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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