halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
