I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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