..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
